


Obsession

by TheZebraPainter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 16:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20910950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheZebraPainter/pseuds/TheZebraPainter
Summary: Sirius puts up with it because James is his best friend. Has been ever since their first train ride to Hogwarts. Sirius puts up with it because James is the first person who looked past his surname and all the stigma associated with it even though he's the one who would have heard the most. He's seen Sirius cry, shout, laugh, lie and frown, and for all these reasons, Sirius puts up with it.





	Obsession

Sirius puts up with it because James is his best friend. Has been ever since their first train ride to Hogwarts. Sirius puts up with it because James is the first person who looked past his surname and all the stigma associated with it, even though he’s the one who would have heard the most. He’s seen Sirius cry, shout, laugh, lie and frown, and for all these reasons, Sirius puts up with it.

But _really_.

There is a fine line between love and hate and, for Sirius, Evans is on the wrong side of it. (Although according to his family, she’s on the right side, because only blood traitors would love a mudblood).

She hasn’t even done anything wrong. (But to his family, she’s done everything wrong, mainly because she exists).

Sirius knows Evans is pretty. He sees her long red hair, her green eyes, and absently wonders why she hides it away.

Sirius knows Evans is clever. He sees her hand go up in every lesson they share.

Sirius thinks (like every other hormonal teenage boy) that Evans is sexy.

He only thinks it though. If James ever found out (Merlin forbid), he’d have one less friend to buy for at Christmas. But when he sees the creamy skin of her neck on the rare days she ties her hair back, when he sees her hips sway from side to side as she walks, when she wears socks and her legs are revealed, he knows - 

Sirius thinks.

(But one of the few downsides to being a wizard is that Sirius suspects his mother of being highly skilled at Legilimency, and in a household where mudbloods are only thought of when they’ve  
been murdered, preferably by a family member, not thinking about her is necessary). James isn’t good at Legilimency – in fact, Sirius would be surprised if he’d ever even heard of it – or at talking to Lily in any which resembles civil, so Sirius has to listen to him love and lament.

_“Lily smiled at me today, Padfoot!”_

Yes, James. She does smile.

When she catches someone looking at her through her curtain of hair, when she gets an answer right in class, when she knows every hormonal teenage boy are licking their lips and staring at her-

_“Lily smiled at me today, Padfoot!”  
“Did she? I think you’re making progress, mate!”_

James will never have to worry though. Not about Sirius.

There is a fine line between love and hate and Evans is on the wrong side of it. Because every time her hips sway, every time she smiles at James, every time he’s aware she exists, she crosses further into hate.

She hasn’t even done anything wrong. Sirius doesn’t fancy her.

Not Lily Evans.

He admires her.

There is a fine line between admiration and declaration. (Not that he’ll ever admit it to anyone). It’s a secret that he’ll hold until she gives in to James. A secret, written in pencil, staying in the middle of a book so no one can find it. Until the day James holds her hand, pulls her over to the sofa where his friends are and Sirius can lean over and say: “You know something, Evans? You’re not so bad after all!”

He admires her. He admires who she is; the girl who fought for years against everyone else to keep a friendship alive. The girl who knows she is a target in this life, even more so with her scarlet rash of hair and emerald jewels for eyes. They’re only truly jewels, something precious, when her eyes shine, like they’ve been polished and set and had a dragon breathe on them. Otherwise they would only be stones, coloured stones dug out from the ground. (But that’s what she is, really, mudblood, mudblood, mudblood).

She hides behind her hair, but Sirius can still see her. She puts her hand up in class, but only when she knows the answers. She shows off her neck, her figure, her legs – but only when she knows someone will be watching.

Lily reminds Sirius of himself.

He hides behind his looks, but James can still see him. Sirius puts his hand up in class, but only when he wants to prove his worth to the teachers. He shows off his bruises, his scars, his fear – but only when people think it’s been caused by Slytherins. (But that’s who he should have been, with Bella and Cissy and Regulus. Away from all the mudbloods and blood traitors and good people who don’t hide but stand brave and tall with the lion behind them. Not hiding in the leaves with the snake).

And this is why Sirius puts up with it. James listens to Sirius when he talks about his family; James steals potions and learns spells to help with the bruises, the cuts. James stays up with Sirius when he can’t sleep, afraid of what the night will bring. James gives him something to look forward to.

James is the first person who looked past his surname and all the stigma associated with it, even though he’s the person who would have heard the most. James has seen Sirius cry. Shout. Laugh.  
Lie. Frown.

And for all these reasons, Sirius puts up with it.  
~#~

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago and I haven't read it properly, fully, since then. Man. I don't know if I like it - I don't know if it makes sense what Sirius is thinking. He sort of has a crush and is in denial whilst at the same time not being in denial at all but angry with her because he has this crush, when it's James who likes her. And actually admiring her as well. Safe to say this Sirius doesn't have the emotional range of a teaspoon.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, and that it made sense. Let me know?


End file.
